I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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