I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
