I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
