I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
