oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
