Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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