I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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