I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
