covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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