I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
