i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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