We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
