I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
