I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
