Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Text me some of your sweat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
