4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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