i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
