the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
