Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
