you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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