ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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