Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
