At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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