Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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