is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
