gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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