I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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