Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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