I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
