Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
