I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
