We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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