seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
