I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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