I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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