sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mom said you looked used
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
