you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
