She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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