Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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