i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
