just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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