My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
