it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
