she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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