youre lurking in front of me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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