i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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