Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
