Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
