I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
