wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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