apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
