I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
