It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
