you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize