Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
