My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
