Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
