Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...