Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
