I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.