i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.