As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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