Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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