3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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