How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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