I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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