My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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