i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
