At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
