Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
