SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
